I wish I truly paid attention to where I really stood with the people I call friends. Skimming through the friendships in my lifetime, I've realized that some friends and I were often times not on the same page. Maybe we shared a thicker history than a present or future. Maybe we share one experience when I thought it was two.
Back then I thought I knew what friendship meant to me (Hollywood version) and I believe I was more glamorized by the idea of friendship than to note that the other side had a different definition, gave slimmer rate of return and flashed a fuzzy reflection of the real thing. I've had my share of friendships, laughter and confusion: colossal breakup and colossal breakthroughs.
Here's what I wish I knew:
- I wish I knew that my friendships were teaching me more about myself (who I am as an individual) than the people who left, drifted off or stayed.
- I wish I knew to expect hiccups when my friendships underwent change and new conditions or environments arise. I wish I knew they could strain, snap or, especially, bounce back during these times.
- I wish I knew that very few are built to last, that just a few would latch on my soul as life changed around me and even fewer would be unafraid of my beauty and thorns.
- I wish I knew how to love the moment and simply take its end with a smile and best wishes.
- I wish I knew in the early stages that we had similar expectations and how to evaluate them as time went on and avoid assumptions.
- I wish I knew that quality was better than quantity.
- I wish I knew how to see the ones I hadn't seen right in front of me.
If I had known these things before I would have recoup faster, improve quicker, place people more easily into their rightful categories, deciding who was or is truly worth my devotion, who simply needs my ear or who was or is just out to get from me.
I believe I would have benefited more from the strengths in the relationships because I would have seen clearly how they rejuvenated me; I would have seen what I needed and what I was realistically capable of giving back in return. I would not have to impress or step out of my skin for any moment.